Some Mollyisms

I can totally see why from the outside my 'chose not to be parent' friends are feeling like they got the golden ticket and they will be musically crunching magic mushrooms - er chocolate - with Willy Wonka in a few minutes. It's kind of messy, there is very little of that full on pass the fuck out sleep, and it is bloody expensive. But from the inside there are messy little nuggets of gold. I don't think parenting is for everyone and I think we owe it to the world not to harass the living shit out of our childless friends with obligatory "You're missing out"isms. For me though there is nothing quite as amazing as that I created this little person that has my eyes, my hair and my psychotic temper, and is also entirely her own little sweet, smarmy, world dominating self.

So today I am just going to throw down a few Mollyisms that I have been storing up, because I hear that some of you are missing out.

A few months ago Sam and I were going through the ordeal of selling our house. We were getting stretched pretty thin and i was in a piss poor state, and my little comedian seemed to sense that she was needed on stage. I was sitting in the kitchen getting mentally beyond stretched when I heard light chuckling in the bathroom. The laughing got louder and louder and finally she came running out of the bathroom naked with about 1 foot of toilet paper wedged between her butt cheeks, yelling "I'm a whitetail deer! Get it mom? I'm a whitetail deer!"

My mom got her a Rockin' Elmo for Christmas one year, and she headbanged so hard to "Elmo's gonna rock" that she fell off the patio and hit her head on the bbq. I picked her up and asked her if she was okay and she said she "was clearly rocking out too hard that time mom"

One day when I was feeling too ill to take her to the horses I said "I'm sorry buddy, we can't do that today, Mom feels like crap" and she actually looked me up and down and said "Because of your hair?" Talk about kicking me while I was down.

For three months when she was really small and just learning words she would wake me up EVERY day with the same routine. She would crawl out of bed, grab her stuffie, whack me in the face with it and say the only "word" that mattered to her at the time. "Getupfrenchtoast!"

The Christmas when she was three we went out to dinner and as we were coming home Molly was sound asleep. Sam took her inside and up to bed as I discovered that one of our jerk dogs had peed on the couch! So as Sam is tucking Molly in I am reaming out
the dogs.

The next morning Sam and I rush around trying to make her Christmas morning all magical and when we're ready Sam creeps upstairs and says "Molly, guess who was here last night? SANTA" And she sleepily replied. "Yeah he was, and he peed all over the damn couch!"

That's all for now. LD