Let's get this shit started!!

So I figure with my first post I am going to cover all my bases. This blog is about me and my daughter, and how I thought that popping out a human would turn me into Martha Stewart and I would instantly start knowing how to work with glitter, and stop swearing and sounding like a complete asshole. Apparently there is no magical mom switch, you are still the exact same tactless asshole you were before kids, and now you just have a tiny human to teach and mold and then unleash on the unsuspecting world.

Picture if you will a human raised by wolves, but the wolves are rednecks too. This will give you a much foreshortened version of me, and make this whole "I can't believe she just said that," thing make sense a lot faster. This blog contains mature content, written by a less mature narrator.

Read if you want to. If you find me offensive, think I am a terrible influence on my child, and generally can't believe the shit that comes out of my mouth, either stop reading and look elsewhere for your wholesome family entertainment, or write a blog about how people like me are ruining the fabric of society. it sounds really boring, but give 'er shit.

I was pushed into writing a blog because I have already been sharing Molly stories with the world of facebook, and they make people laugh. Life since 9.9.9 for me has been a whole lot funnier. I went to the hospital to deliver a baby and instead came home with a sarcastic, witty, far too intelligent fucking unicorn of a human being. She will take over the world one day, so I am guessing this will make her "I dominate you, find out how I did it." autobiography even more colorful and awesomely awesome.

Lucy D