6 reasons to seriously consider breeding with redheads

To whomever came up with the phrase "terrible twos"...
Since you are probably dead, I feel as though I owe it to new parents everywhere to bitchslap your descendents. The reason for this is that I coasted through those twos thinking "THIS is as bad as it gets? Wicked, this is a cakewalk!!" Molly at two was a redheaded angel, an absolute cherub of nicety. Three was a delightful preview of four to come. And as if she magically knew it was time for a change, on her fourth birthday Molly began to make the terrible twos seem like an instagrammed version of a sunny day with Winnie Cooper from the Wonder Years.

So here are 6 gems that only this week came out of the mouth of a girl who is obviously superfantastically adorable as a natural defence so I don't feel compelled to sell her.

1. Molly observes me struggling through the house with a giant load of wood while she is playing with her megablocks
"Molls could you please open the gate for mom?"
   "I'm super busy engineering right now mom, but you can do it yourself, I just know it!"

2. Molly is playing with the herd of six kittens before bed one night looking very very sweet until she throws down this creepy idea;
"hey kittens, do you want to play knife knife?"

3. Again with the kittens.
"Mom, I want to call this one TickleBum"
Me not exactly hearing her; "Sorry, you want to call a kitten TickleTrunk?"
"No, mom! TICKLEBUM! Tickletrunk, that's just stupid."

4. Picking up my little ginger spice from preschool;
"Hey kid, how was school?"
"So good mom! Nobody even got freaking mad at me today!"

5. Bringing a new friend over
"That's Meowmeow, she is really nice, that's Meuwford, he will try and kill you."
...resulting in a child who is now terrified of cats...great.

6. ...needs no intro
"Hey Molly, come eat dinner."
      "Dinner smells like ass mom." (with her thumb in the air, suggesting that this is something she heard but does not understand it to be very insulting.)